Should I call him after break up?

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Being with someone that you care for and love deeply is a very warm feeling and it always hurts when you have to let go of that person. A lot of things can lead to a breakup, be it your significant other cheated on you or either one of you stopped being in love. Regardless of whatever reason that led up to the breakup, it hurts and that’s okay. You have both decided to end things and move on with your separate lives.

People often throw it out there and say “you have to move on with your lifeit’s not that easy to just move on because you will always have this thought at the back of your mind how is he doing now that you have both broken up and you start contemplating if should you call him or not. Now before you pick up that phone and search up his name and give him a call, you might want to take a pause and reflect on some major things.

You have both been apart from each other for a while and yet you still feel your existence is tied to him. By now you should already see the major red flag, instead of you constantly thinking about his wellbeing without you, think about your wellbeing without him.

It’s okay if you want to call him after break up but it shouldn’t be like a week after the breakup, give yourself room to heal from it, you need some time to yourself. You are your own person and being with someone for so long you might have forgotten that and now that you are no longer together why don’t you do things that will be of benefit to you.

Honestly, there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t call your ex after a breakup and now you will get to realize how it’s not that much of a great idea.

1. You are not in a proper state of mind

The moment your ex tells you that you are both done, you start questioning yourself and when you are not getting the answers you immediately feel like you should call him and know what happened. You are probably angry about the whole thing and then you start feeling lonely, as well as vulnerable.

At this point, you shouldn’t take any actions when you have a mountain of emotions built up inside of you because if you were to go as far as to call him you will end up crying and pleading for him to take you back. You can’t force anyone to be with you, don’t make your ex see you as an annoying person when you do that.

After the break up initially, this is when you have to realize that it hurts to let go of someone and you can’t get the answers you are in desperate need of. When you have been able to let yourself accept what happened, you will gradually see for yourself how you going to call him right after the breakup would have made you feel.

He might probably have said something to make you feel worse than you already are. Stop yourself from falling back towards him and get yourself together first before you even bother taking up that phone to call him, you will realize you don’t even need an answer why he broke up with you in the first place and all you just want to do is talk.

2. Wanting to be together again after break up

The issue about a break up is, one person out of both parties would want to get back together again and you are not truly helping matters if you immediately pick up your phone to call him. Understand you have been with this person for a very long time, made memories together, and shared good and bad times with each other. That’s a lot more reason why calling right after a break up isn’t what you should do but rather give yourself time to heal from it and when you finally decide to call, it will be on your own terms with you being able to handle the situation.

Have it in mind that you don’t have to wait around for someone else to give you what you need, the only person that can do that is “you”. Since you are done with the relationship, take the time to make yourself happy because at the end of the day you are all you’ve got.

3. You might end up sleeping with him

Regardless of what you think, having sex with your ex is one thing you definitely don’t want to do, and calling him right after a break up is you creating room for that. It is really important you understand what just happened, your ex broke up with you, and right after you call him, his focus is simply on just having sex with you.

Avoid making that call so you won’t even think about having sex with him, there’s a lot you can offer in a relationship other than sex, and him just wanting sex shows how differently he sees you.

We fall in love and fall out of love, regardless of whatever might have happened just know that relationships should be more than sex, it’s also focused on how both parties can help each other grow individually, help each other recognize their flaws, and be better from it.

When someone you have been with for years breaks up with you, you feel down, and being able to have sex with that person again might sound nice to you, the truth is you end up making things more difficult for yourself after you have sex with him, you feel more terrible than you felt before and that’s more reason you should save yourself from that, you only do that by not calling him after a breakup.

Self-realization after break up

Since you are reading this right now, you probably went through a breakup and you are looking for ways to cope with the hurt, initially, you wanted to know if you should call your ex after a breakup, this will be like a walkthrough on how you are feeling and what to take from it all.

Breakups are really hurtful but you have to consider what you can learn from it, how it made you feel, and how you can be better. There’s no single person that likes a breakup, it doesn’t matter how long you have been together, it’s totally fine to feel the hurt try as much as you can to take the time to heal.

While you are the process of healing there are some things you need to ask yourself that will be beneficial in any of your future relationships. You should reflect on everything that has happened and ensure you come out of that hurt, don’t dwell in it.

1. How do you feel about the relationship

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It doesn’t matter how perfect you thought everything was, be honest to yourself that there have been some not so great moments. Moments that made you feel uncomfortable or uncertain, focus on those moments for a while. Were you always taking the blame for everything or simply looked pass some unhealthy habits in the relationship and pretended it was all okay. When it comes to relationships there are little signs that start showing up when things are about to hit rock bottom.

If you don’t take these little details into consideration, you are heading towards a “break up”. Understand you have the full right to voice how you feel about the relationship and what you think needs to be done. If you are giving your all and the person you are with isn’t reciprocating, you clearly know where you stand at that point.

2. Coping with the hurt

Knowing how to cope with the hurt will play a major role to deal with that hurt feeling after the breakup and then you can decide if you want to call your ex after everything. Have it in mind that you have to take care of yourself, realize that it is important to take care of yourself because this will help you in any future relationship.

The reason for this is you wouldn’t want to take the impact of your previous relationship into a new one because you will see the effect it’s going to have on your partner.  Take care of whatever it is that happened in a previous relationship, set things straight with yourself, say it out to yourself that you are ready to move on and if it involves picking up the phone and calling back your ex, go ahead and do it as long as you don’t fall back to him which is why it’s important to heal from the heartbreak first.

3. Understanding your worth

There have been instances where most persons question their worth due to a breakup, they start thinking to themselves  “was I good enough” “did I do something wrong”. Stop doing that because you are just going to end up making things hard for yourself. Yes, he broke up with you; do you feel good about, no you don’t.

Questioning your worth because you broke up is not going to do your any good; you have to realize you are your own person and if you can’t see your worth, no one is going to. You are okay the way you are, although you might need some personal growth that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Everyone needs to grow in one way or another, don’t limit yourself. When you finally understand just how much you worth and take that mindset into another relationship, your partner will be able to sense it and treat you accordingly. No one wants to be with someone who constantly looks down on themselves.

4. Being able to make changes

As a person, change is inevitable and the first step to progressing from any heartbreak is realizing what aspect of your life you want to make changes to, do you want to learn a skill, learn a new language. Look around you, you will surely find something you feel the need to change that will impact on you positively. Before taking up your phone and decide it’s about time you check up on your ex, ensure you are not in the same situation he left you in.

Questions you might be asking yourself

You have taken the right amount of time you need to heal from the breakup and you have some questions that are clouding your train of thoughts at this point and you want answers to them, right now there might not be answers to other questions you have but this will cover some basic questions that will be helpful to you and whatever question that pops up in your head, give yourself time to reflect on it and if it’s not going to make you feel better or improve you then you know exactly how to reply to it.

Look out for yourself and make sure you are not hurting yourself to please someone else. With that being said, let’s look into some questions

When am I allowed to call my ex?

By now you are already asking yourself this exact question and like it was stated earlier, you are the only person that can decide when you think it’s a proper time to call your ex. There are lots of persons who don’t even bother calling their ex after a breakup, once the relationship is done, they simply forget about their ex and move on.

You might be different and you feel the need to call him, which is why when you will be making that phone call it should be when he isn’t expecting you to call because let’s be honest right after a breakup, he’s definitely waiting for you to call, more reason why you should disappoint him and don’t even bother with him.

Calling him months after the break up is going to be of a shock to him, the reason for this is you are not calling him as a heartbroken person, you will be calling him as someone who has been able to take her time and improve on herself and at this point, you will be able to control the situation.

The moment you end that call you will realize you don’t feel some kind of way towards him anymore, you might care about him like in the sense of you not wanting anything bad to happen to him but you are not focused on being together with him anymore, you have moved to pass that.

What if he wants to be with me after all this time?

Without much being said, you should know the answer to this by now. You called him months after the breakup and he notices the major changes that have happened over time and all of a sudden he wants you back. Don’t let yourself fall for that, you took time away from him so you will be able to call him when you are ready not to be together with him again.

It has been months and he didn’t bother to call you then and now because of the developments you have made he wants you back. Now you see how that doesn’t sound right, he already missed out since he was unable to recognize how much more you could have been when you were both together. You have moved on.

Should I meet up with him after calling him?

When you are confronted with this question, take your time with it and you will come to an answer that you will be okay with. It’s obvious if after all this time and he immediately asks if you can both meet up for a drink or two for old times’ sake. Let him understand you have other things you have to get done and you just took a time out of your busy schedule to check up on him just to see how he has been doing for old times’ sake.

Don’t be lured with the whole “old times’ sake” trap especially not with someone you have been together with in the past. You are a whole different person now, you have your priorities right and you don’t have room for what will make you feel less of yourself.

If you do decide to meet up with him, remember it should be on your own terms when you are feeling up to him. With all of these, you will make him realize fully how different you are now and he will be forced to respect the change. You are different from the person he knew a couple of months back when he broke up with you and if he can’t respect your decision as an individual now then he needs to undergo some character growth as well.


Being able to call your ex after a break up is your decision to make. As it has been said through all of these, give yourself the right amount to time to heal before you make that call. Calling him immediately after a break up won’t do you any good, you deserve some alone time.

Nicole Tolstoy

Nicole Tolstoy is a content marketing writer, freelancer and a model. She also does scriptwriting for film producers and joined numerous film competitions. Nicole says " To love and be loved is happiness "

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